Your relationship was going great, but for some reason things just don’t feel the same anymore.
It’s hard to put your finger on it, but you can sense a change in your spouse or partner. Could they be having an affair or inappropriate relationship?
Sadly, infidelity is an all-to-common occurrence in our society, with 16.3% of married adults admitting to having had extramarital sex at least once. Researchers from the University of Colorado found that just over half of those confessing to adultery said it was with a close friend.
If you suspect your partner is cheating, your best bet is to remain calm, continue your normal activities and avoid confronting them until you’ve gathered all the facts.
At Robert Cirtin Investigations, we have more than 25 years of experience with infidelity investigations. During that time we’ve seen many common behavior patterns among cheaters. By themselves, just one of these may not be a problem. But if you notice two or more, it may be a good idea to enlist the help of a professional investigator.
#1: Unexplained Changes in Personal Habits
Most people want to try new things from time to time. So how do you know if it’s a sign of cheating? Look for sudden deviations from the person’s usual behavior with no likely motivation — other than to impress a new romantic interest.
- Interest in appearance. The cheater may suddenly buy new clothes more often, update their hairstyle, spend more time grooming and may even wear a new or different fragrance. Another telltale sign is trying to look better around other people than they do for you.
- New exercise routines. If your partner needs to get in shape for health reasons, that’s probably okay. Get suspicious if they start a new exercise plan with no apparent health-related reason, work out for unusually long periods of time or go to the gym at odd hours.
- New interests and preferences. Did your partner used to hate country music but now it’s the only thing on their playlist? Have they taken up a strange new hobby? All of these examples could indicate that a new person is influencing your partner’s interests.
#2: Less Quality Time with You
Another big red flag is when your partner all of a sudden just can’t seem to make time for you like they used to do.
- Excuses, excuses. Do they suddenly have to work longer hours or go on business trips — even though their job description hasn’t changed? Do they seem to keep having unexplained car trouble?
- They exclude you. Want to know if that new exercise routine is for real? Say you need to get in shape too and offer to go to the gym with them. If they protest, consider that suspicious. Other warning signs include backing out of weekend date nights, turning down family events or canceling holiday plans.
- They become hard to reach. Has your partner stopped calling you back? Are your text messages going unheeded? Especially if they are traveling or working late, they should be happy to update you on where they are and what they are doing.
- Changes in sex and intimacy. Your partner may stop wanting sex with you if they are getting it from someone else. Occasionally they may have sex with you to try to cover up the affair. You may also feel less emotionally connected or notice them trying new “techniques” in the bedroom they had previously never heard of.
#3: Secrecy and Hostility Toward You
A truly loving spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend will be happy to listen and answer your questions truthfully. If they are cheating, their interactions with you will be much different.
- Blame-shifting. Wrongdoers love to play the victim. They may blame you for the loss of intimacy. They might accuse you of not appreciating everything they’ve done for you, being too “reserved” in bed or not keeping up with your own appearance.
- Mind games. Another common tactic is to make you feel like you’re just “imagining things.” Your partner may tell you you’re crazy, too jealous or too emotional.
- Evasiveness. The cheater will get upset and defensive when you ask about that big project that kept them at the office last night. Or why they can’t make it to your child’s birthday party. Instead of giving you a straight answer, they will evade and change topics.
#4: Suspicious Phone and Online Usage
People having affairs tend to increase their use of phones and social media. They also become more controlling and secretive about it.
- Physical control. They don’t want you to see or touch their phone. When a call or text comes in, they leave the room to answer it. Even if they’re not using it, they take it with them.
- Burner phone. Sometimes the cheater will even get a second “secret” phone and keep it hidden from you.
- Secrecy. They stop sharing passwords, or start using a password when they didn’t before. They frequently delete their text messages and browser history.
- Suspicious websites. You discover them visiting pornography, infidelity or dating websites.
- Unusual social media interactions. Let’s face it. Friends don’t call friends things like “honey,” “baby,” or “darling.” If you notice someone using those terms of endearment toward your significant other on Facebook, be suspicious.
#5: Suspicious Financial Activity
Here’s a news flash: Cheating costs money. Pay attention to any of these unexplained spending habits.
- Finding a “secret” credit card that isn’t connected to their job.
- Attempting to hide credit card and bank statements from you.
- Unusual charges like flowers that you didn’t get, dating site subscriptions or meals that clearly are not work-related.
- Sudden large cash withdrawals.
#6: Other People Are Suspicious — Including You
The wronged partner is often the last person to find out about infidelity. Friends and family members may behave differently around you if they know that your significant other is cheating.
- They may avoid you.
- They may feel uncomfortable talking about your partner or your relationship.
- They may act “overly nice” around you or look like they feel sorry for you.
Finally, trust your gut and listen to your own instincts. When you live under the same roof with someone, you get used to their typical habits and mannerisms, and even subtle changes may indicate that something is amiss.
At Robert Cirtin Investigations, our licensed investigators will uncover the evidence using advanced surveillance techniques including GPS vehicle tracking.
If you suspect that your spouse or partner is cheating, contact us today.